It occurred to me tonight as I sat down to my computer to write this that I felt much like a pianist approaching a piano, situating myself just right in my seat and getting my mind in the correct place. I spent many years as a musician. Did I ever tell you I was once a flute player? All those hours in a practice room and again at home, trying to get every single note just right. And I played piccolo, and ukulele. I used to think I had a nice singing voice, but my allergies make me sound like a sick toad. (I miss my old voice so much that I have an appointment with the allergist next week.)
Moving on: I told you last week that our refrigerator died, and we had to buy a new one. This week, our washing machine decided to spew all of its water onto the laundry room floor! I put a load of wash in, went on a short errand, and came back to an inch of water on the floor. Hubby spent an hour fixing it on Saturday (Me: “My Hero! Thank you so much!”), but the next load proved the barrel was not spinning properly. It’s ten years old and honestly, I’m glad to be done with this front loader with its stinky rubber seal! The next day, William’s car battery died, I found two termite trails, and the coffee pot gave up the ghost. Also I need the carpets cleaned due to, well, doo. Ruby the Wonder Spaniel is not waiting for me to get home and keeps “going” in Patrick’s old room. I hate to spend money on boring stuff like appliances and home upkeep, don’t you?
In other news: I’ve just pushed through four weeks of personal growth. (Cry, whine, scream, shiver, moan, sigh.) Since William went back to college, I’ve been lonely. I am NOT good at being alone. Hubby works hellacious hours so for the first time in my life, I am alone in my house for many hours each day. All that time alone was making me mad and sad and a bit grumpy.
Yet . . . I’m actually starting to enjoy it! I’ve been meeting friends for coffee (or a pint of beer) many evenings after work, and it’s nice to not have to worry about being home at a certain time. And when I’m alone at home, I can do WHATEVER I WANT! For example, tonight I got home from work at 5:30 and began baking muffins. All alone, I could choose the music with nobody complaining. It was really hot in our house, so I took off my pants. I danced in the kitchen knowing nobody would judge my poor dance moves. Then I danced with one of our cats, with nobody around to think that’s weird. I talked to myself, with nobody around to think that’s weird. Nobody was there to chide me for eating the ice cream straight from the container (and I smoothed it over so Hubby won’t notice–the freezer kills germs, right?).
Okay, I’ll finish this up with a poem about personal growth (by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin) that I had on the front of my fridge for many years. I am not religious, so I take out the word “God” and replace it with “Universe”.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown, something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
by passing through some stages of instability
and that may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
— that is to say, grace —
— acting on your own good will —
will make you tomorrow.