I started a diet today.
It started out great.
I am never hungry in the morning, so I met a friend for coffee at 10 without eating first. It was an interesting exercise. The smells at The Hillside Spot were tantalizing: Waffles, eggs with a side of fried potatoes, and lush buttery pastries. My mouth was watering, and my sense of smell was keen. I caught myself turning my head to get a better whiff as the full platters went by. I most likely resembled my Springer Spaniel following her nose about while I’m cooking dinner. My hands shook a bit from the lack of food combined with the jolt of caffeine, but I was doing well.
I felt strong.
Mind over matter.
This time I was going to stick with it and lose at least five pounds before our son’s wedding in three weeks. I was going to feel so much healthier, and wouldn’t it be nice to NOT have to unbutton my jeans every time I sat down?
But then I got home.
I sat down to my computer to do some research for a summer vacation, and that’s when it started. My mind began cataloguing the food in the fridge. First the top shelf: Half a leftover steak. A raspberry yogurt. A bowl of pudding. Second shelf: The bag of expensive cheeses leftover from our holiday entertaining. Deli sausage slices! Chicken tortilla soup!!!!
I ate a banana and drank a big glass of water and got back to work. My stomach growled madly but I ignored it and started to answer email. My mind wandered uncontrollably back to the contents of the fridge. Black beans with tomatoes and onion. Sour cream! The last slice of coconut cake.
I slowly peeled an orange and savored every juicy segment. I heated up another cup of coffee and settled back in at my laptop.
That was an hour ago. My work is constantly being interrupted. Did you hear that? I swear I just heard the pepperoni pizza calling to me from the freezer. “Just one slice. I’m so tasty. I’ll fill you up so you won’t be hungry anymore. I’m greasy and delicious. EAT ME!”
I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. The coconut cake is competing with the apple pie, and the half and half is mad I didn’t put it in my coffee. All dozen of the eggs insist I fry them up in just a little bit of bacon grease.
I think I’d better peel another orange–I am not feeling strong. I am feeling . . . HUNGRY!!!